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The onlyproblem was that cheese affects me the way beans affect some otherpeople, and within an hour or so I was farting like mad. It got to smellso bad in the family room that we had to open the windows and both Dadand I were laughing our heads off at each massive wet fart that I rippedoff. Finally, after about an hour of farting I felt the pressurebeginning to build up and I went into the bathroom and had a huge bowelmovement. When I came back to the family room I felt, well, kind of emptyand hungry so I went out to the kitchen and got a half gallon of mintchocolate chip ice cream and came back to the family room and ate thatwhile I watched TV with Dad. When I'd finished that half gallon I wasstill hungry so I went back and found a half gallon of cookie dough icecream and polished off half of that. When I got in bed that night I justlay there and played with my Pecs while my gut was gurgling and churningas it processed all the food I'd eaten that night.So anyway, after that night I. ’ And leaning forward, he planted a kiss on my forehead. ‘What?’ Astonished, I gazed at him for a moment in silence, the butterflies in my tummy flapping wildly. ‘You’d really—you’d really do that for me?’ Drew smiled, allowing his shoulders to rise and fall in a slight shrug. ‘You’re my best friend, Sam,’ he said simply. ‘Isn’t that what mates do?’ * Mates. I thought long and hard about the word after he’d gone. And no, I concluded at last, asking your best mate to relieve you of your virginity was something you really shouldn’t do. ‘Fuck,’ I muttered aloud, startling Bluey, my parents’ long-haired Persian cat, as he stalked across the kitchen towards his newly-replenished bowl of Kitty-Crunch. ‘Yes, you heard me,’ I went on grimly. ‘I said ‘fuck’, okay? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.’ He gave me a baleful look. ‘Well.’ I glared back. ‘It’s all your bloody fault. If you’d just gone to a cattery like any normal cat. But not you, huh, Your Royal Highness?’ Bluey was the reason I’d.
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